Faithful Dedication To God

It was a long time ago when I was a young man I was just learning about life, and I don’t know how old I was exactly, but I do know it was in my teens that I gave my heart to the lord, and it was mostly because of my upbringing and my Grandma Haywood’s teachings throughout my childhood while staying at her house during my summer vacations.
I do know that I understood that I wanted to be saved and I understood what I was giving my heart to and I knew that Jesus had died on the cross for my sins and yes I believed in him with all my heart and honestly, I never did think that God didn’t exist, but of course some thoughts were put there by the enemy but in my heart I always knew that God was real and he created the earth, as matter of fact I can tell you the exact moment when I knew he existed, and that was when I had a fish tank. I investigated the tank and admired how beautiful the fish was and how the colors just flowed only God could create something that beautiful.
After many years of ups and downs in my life, pain, and suffering, many prayers answered that I ignored even after I asked for them there came a time when I just felt that I was tired of always trying to get ahead of the world, and a chain of events would push me into a world that I didn’t know anymore, and would open up my heart and mind plunging me into a reality that I should have seen a long time ago.
My life changed on October 2, 2020, when I contracted the deadly virus of Covid-19 which was also known as the pandemic that plagued the world. This virus attacked my nervous system lungs heart, and kidneys, and I was deemed to certain death, I had been put into an 8-week induced coma, to stabilize me so that I could be treated, and my family was told that things didn’t look good, however with many prayers and what seemed overnight I turned around and started to recover.
I spent a total of 140 days in the hospital most of them in rehabilitation learning how to walk and use my hands all over again even when I came home, I spent a year going to physical therapy, but the good part was I did start back to work, with a walking cane and braces on my legs. All during this time I had a lot of time to think about my past life and the struggle had not even begun at this point because darkness was about to fall upon me again in a way that I never even thought was possible but suspected.
My wife whom I had been with for so many years and whom I had so much love for one day just walked out through the door and left me, because she just couldn’t take it anymore and had a list of problems, I wasn’t sure but down deep inside I knew it was coming, I knew she didn’t love me as she did before, and it wasn’t her fault, even until this day I will never blame her for any of what she had done because my prayers are with her because she does not know what she is doing. (this is all I have to say about this)
Throughout the years of my recovery, I had a very close friend of mine who was always there for me, it didn’t matter what time of the day I would call he always picked up the phone, and in my worst of times he was there because he was the only person I had, of course, he was the person that I shared countless hours or radio time with when I owned a radio station back in the past so talking with him was natural, our conversations would consist of my problems of possible suicide, political, religion, and his family and my family matters, and the list could go on, but no matter what he was there for me every single day.
One of the things that he and I wanted to do was to find a way to get our radio station back up and running again because it was something that we both enjoyed and wanted to do, it was something that we knew would make a hit to many people because in the past we had a large listing base. The problem was that he was always working, and I was working during the week and although my weekends were open his weekends were not.
During this time when I was working, in my old job at a desk job but on the way to work every morning I would listen to different gospel preachings from different speakers. There was one that stood out to me the most: Sadey Robinson from the TV show Duck Dynasty which I had never watched. The sermon she was speaking about was her testimonial and there was this part in that where it stuck out to me, the one thing that I related to the most.
Saidy in her testimony told the story of Simon in such a way that it sparked something inside of me that opened a lot within my soul but let me tell you what I heard her say from my heart.
Simon was out fishing all night with Andrew, and they had caught nothing they were tired and were headed home, as they were headed to the shore, they saw Jesus speaking to a crowd of people and as they got closer Jesus asked Simon and Andrew if he could speak from the boat so that everyone could hear him speak.
Of course, they allowed Jesus to enter the boat and Jesus continued his speaking to the crowd of people for a while, then when he was finished, he sat down. I am sure there was some small talk while Simon and Andrew were tending to their nets, as I am sure they were at this time out into the water a little more. Jesus then told them to cast out their nets for a catch, which most likely stunned Simon and Andrew but keep in mind Andrew knew who Jesus was, and had spoken to Simon about this man, so Simon said to Jesus, Teacher we fished all night and caught nothing, but because of you, will do what you ask, and so they cast out their nets.
The nets then became so full of fish that the boat began to sink, and excitement spread throughout the area, and other fishers around came to run to help with all the fish, which filled the boats. And then Simon fell at Jesus’s feet and said, depart from me lord for I am a sinful man, and Jesus told Simon to rise and told him today I will make you fisher of men.
When I heard this story of Simon’s hit made me think hard, then Sadie said something, and this was when it was the point when my mind broke through. “What is your boat” What is the thing at which you are good? “What is your Net” What is the one thing that you can do to serve the lord, to bring people to serve God? And lastly what is fish? Do you have trust in the lord?
All day long I thought about what she talked about, all day long it haunted me to the point that I just couldn’t put it all together, then on the way home from work I called my friend, and he and I talked about getting the radio show going for a few hours and I was sitting at home about that time, and with my head on the counter it hit me, it was this moment I had my breakthrough, it was him, it wasn’t my friend, it was the fact that I wasn’t listening to God and that God had been speaking to me this whole time and I wasn’t listening.
Here is what I heard, “this is never going to happen, he is never going to commit, he will never make time, his playtime is more important, his heart isn’t in this, he doesn’t care about it, it’s all about him” I was wasting my time. Then I had this idea, why don’t you do this on your own, start a ministry, start your platform, and use it to bring people closer to God, forget the past, and start anew? So, from that day, I started thinking about how I was going to tell my friend that the Radio station was never going to happen anymore, that there was no hope and we had to let it go.
Even though I had made this choice to move in a different direction my friend wanted to try to save what we could and helped by sending me a few mixers and helped me in purchasing a mic for shows, and even then we still couldn’t do shows because of his family life and other distractions that just didn’t fit in with our schedules, again I wanted to be respectful but I knew deep in my heart that it wasn’t going anywhere but was working on my new project and that was God’s People Say Ministry, it isn’t a big deal but a name I came up with to help me along.
As time went by I was getting closer to God going to church more, and trying to get my life back together as best as I could, my wife came back home for a very brief time and then left again only to live with the next door neighbor which didn’t surprise me much and by then I had already come to terms with, but at least she was there to help with our Dogs.
My relationship with God became stronger and stronger and then my good friend at work brought me into his office and informed me that I had about 3 weeks to find another job because they were cutting back and had to let me go, so I started looking for other work, and it didn’t take long and God answers my prayers and a Christian ran a company called me to come to work with them and it was then and day by day my relationship with God grew stronger and stronger.
As my relationship with Jesus grew, I found myself drifting away from my friend little by little and focusing on the word of God. I explained to him that I needed some time away to study the words which he understood at that time.
With my work keeping me busy having to take care of my Dogs and dealing with home issues, things just were going as well as they could go, and being alone felt good for a change because it gave me time for myself. This also gave me time to think about the direction of my life and where I wanted to be in my life, and I started to put together a plan in which I would start to piece my life back together live for once, and devote myself to God and give everything I have to him letting him steer me in the direction he wants me to go.
One day I was lying in bed and a thought came to my mind, I think it is time to get Baptized, something that I had always wanted to do, but was not sure how to go about it, and a little shy that people would see me differently, so I called my church and they told me a date in which I would be able to attend and so I was ready.
Being a follower of Christ, we all know is hard, and the enemy is always attacking and relentless, and a good friend of mine told me, that when you get Baptized, the world is going to change for you, and your eyes are going to be opened but only if your heart is cleaned, and your old you dies and the new you live. The spiritual warfare is going to be so much harder but keep this in mind, the holy spirit will always protect you, but it will still be hard.
It was December 3rd, 2023 road conditions were not favorable and it almost seemed that something in my mind was telling me not to take the chance and that I should wait, but I told myself no I was going to continue, I arrived at the church on time and walked in met my friend the one that would be baptizing me and he gave me my bag that held the shirt from the church they wanted me to wear and I had my swim trunks and a towel I brought from home, and went in and changed.
They told me that I would be the first one because I needed help getting up to the tank, so I sat there waiting and running through my mind was a little fear and anxiety but also excitement about the unknown and what to expect, but I knew in my heart I wanted this old body and the old me to die that day.
The people started filling the church and before long the worship band took the stage and started playing after the first song began, I was invited up to the baptizing tank, and I was helped by two of the men over the years who had supported me the most which was ironic but also very moving in my way. I walked up and put my first leg into the tank and the water was freezing on me. However, I got in and sat down about waist high in the water, and then a few questions, and then under the water I went.
I really cannot describe what I felt at the exact moment under the water other than the water being cold and coming out and hearing the church cheering and then getting out, grabbing my towel, and walking up to the bathroom.
I stood in front of the mirror looking at myself and said, “Well you did it,” and I got dressed and returned to the congregation as they were still singing. In my mind, for a few moments, I thought I was supposed to feel something different, but I seemed to not feel any different than before I went under the water, and for that small moment, I thought just maybe I was too late. Then, slowly, slightly, I felt this warm tingling feeling coming over me, all over my body, which rushed throughout my whole body and my mind, it was intense, and the complexity of it was hard to explain but it was something I never felt before.
I looked around the room, and the people looked different, it was just something about them, something you cannot put your finger on. The music stopped and the pastor started to speak, I sat there and listened to God’s word, and heard every word, more than I ever had before, and I know that I smiled, and on the way home the world outside was dark and gloomy and the thoughts running through my mind was like a list of things like I was sitting in a classroom to what was going to happen from here on out.
In the days, weeks, and months to come I learned that indeed the old me had died that day and that the world outside is a very evil place we live in and there are demons all around us and even around the people that we deeply care for. I had to walk away from people who I cared for and put my distance from the very friend who was there for me every day.
Today, I started writing again something I did a long time ago and something that I had always wanted to do, and with technology, it is now possible to put my thoughts onto a screen and put my legacy out into the world to see. I am living alone with Kota and Winston with my wife living still next door yet she comes over helps with the dogs and does help me when I need help. And I am slowly getting the house rebuilt and back in order, so that I can start to have my grandchildren over for a stay.
I am almost 60 years old and I am going to be getting my HVAC contractor License soon, yet another milestone in my life that will pretty much go unnoticed within my family. I still attend the same church even though I am not happy with some of the ways that they handle new Christians and people coming to the lord, but I am working on that. I have started that ministry God’s People Say, at this time not expecting a lot, doing some videos on my opinions and views on how I came to Christ throughout the years.
My relationship with Jesus Christ is my relationship with him, unlike anyone else. I will not allow anyone to tell me I am doing it wrong, or that I am thinking it wrong, because I know that he is in my heart and I have accepted him as my lord and my Savior, and that he died on the cross for me and everyone, and that is all I need.
This is it, this is my journey, from now and the end I know where I will be so I am fine and comfortable with my life no matter what direction it goes. My life belongs with Jesus.