It’s Been A While

Reflecting on this morning, I’m hit with the realization that it’s almost three years to the day since I was hospitalized with COVID. This anniversary has me pondering the path I’ve traveled to reach where I am now. It’s been a tough journey, filled with more lows than I care to count. Yet, through it all, I’ve been amazed by the support I’ve received. There was a time I doubted anyone’s affection for me, only to discover a wealth of love and backing I hadn’t realized existed.

Looking ahead, I can’t say for certain what’s in store. Life’s fragility has been starkly highlighted for me; it can be snatched away in an instant, often beyond our control. The only real control we have is over our decision to end it. From my hospital stay to this moment, you’d think things might have improved somewhat. Sadly, it feels like the troubles only intensified the day I was discharged.

A few months ago, Jody, the center of my world, left me. She felt so trapped here that she saw no other way out but to leave behind everything, including a solid job, to live in a fifth wheel with her sister and brother-in-law. It baffles me, considering we were as good together as any couple, despite our fair share of fights and disagreements. We shared more happiness than sorrow, which makes her departure all the more confusing. Life changes in the blink of an eye, and often, there’s nothing we can do to stop it.

I know I need to start fresh, to transform into someone new. But the thought of trusting someone again, especially in a romantic sense, seems nearly impossible. Deep down, I still hope Jody might be that person for me. People question how I could ever trust her again if she returned. My answer is simple: I leave it in God’s hands. If we’re meant to be, He’ll find a way to make it happen, and I’ll have to trust her again, with His guidance.

I try to understand Jody’s perspective, whether she’s burdened with guilt or indifferent. When I reach out to her, her silence or short replies make me wonder. At her core, Jody is a good person, with a heart as pure as they come. I admit to playing a role in our relationship’s downfall, but as she said, it wasn’t entirely her fault. I’ve come to terms with my part in our issues, especially now as I look back to October 22nd, 2020. Despite losing the ability to walk and facing ongoing health issues, I haven’t lost everything. During my hospital stay, my life was blessed with two grandsons. Robbie and his wife welcomed Jackson the day I was admitted, and my daughter and her husband introduced John Cecil to the world on December 23rd. These boys have given me more hope and drive to change my life for the better than anything else ever could.

Nowadays, my routine is simple but poignant. I wake up, care for my dogs, make breakfast, and constantly find myself half-expecting to see Jody in her pajamas. Instead, I’m greeted by the sight of her packed boxes—a silent goodbye. I go about my day, work, and return home to an empty house, save for the memories and the hope that she’s found happiness. This is still her home, in my heart at least.

For anyone struggling, I say this: Trust in God. He might not give you what you want, but He will provide what you need. If life gets tougher, it might be time to look inward and reassess. Give every part of your life to Him, good or bad, and believe in the possibility of a brighter future.